J9's Weekly Words

EMOTIONAL CONSTIPATION

What is wrong with people these days? And by people, for the purpose of this blog, I’m specifically referring to Men. No, boys. Do men even exist anymore or have their ‘coolness’ in society gradually dwindled like a scrunchie’s? And if you don’t know what a scrunchie is, I feel old.

Anyway back to my rant.

When I refer to ‘boys’, I’m talking about early 20 something-year-olds who are emotionally and verbally constipated. Yep, instead of just saying how they feel they rely on circumlocution to breeze through the relationship and get laid at night. What is so wrong with trusting another person with your feelings? Is it so hard to say, “I like you”? No, it’s not. Well, not for men, anyway.

My example revolves around a 27 year-old Man who bluntly told a girl “I like you”. He went even further and explained how he liked her and what she means to him. So, if it’s easy for someone to admit it to themselves and verbalise it to the object of their affection, but so difficult for someone else to do the same, does it mean that the emotionally mute boy doesn’t like you as much or is it that he does, but afraid to admit it? I’d like to think it’s the latter but experience has shown me that, unfortunately, ‘he’s just not that into you’. (Meanwhile, the book and flick of the same title are highly overrated and contradict what it’s meant to teach women. But hey, totally subjective opinion on that one- feel free to berate my view.)

Anyway, I’m a firm believer in the adage “actions speak louder than words” and if the person you have on your mind everyday, the person you want to hold, the person you want to share your secrets with- if they struggle with telling you or showing you that they like you, it’s probably because the don’t…. and are afraid to admit it to themselves and to you. So, what do you do in this situation?

You take a deep breath, open your eyes and leave them with your heart as intact as possible.

If they can’t lend a piece of their heart, why should you?

By the way, if anyone knows of a laxative for emotional constipation let me know…

LOVE SUCKS

According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics (2006):

*Approximately one in three first marriages end in divorce and;
*Most people who separate have been married less than 10 years.

Makes the effort behind courtship appear worthwhile, doesn’t it?

We’ve all been there, and by there I mean having your heart broken. It doesn’t matter if it was a teen crush, a summer fling, or 8-year relationship; the extent of your infatuation with a person is independent of time. Unfortunately. I say unfortunately because it would have made it easier for me to believe that my broken heart didn’t count for much as the relationship in question lasted six months but in “love years” my severe infatuation would have equated to a 10-year relationship, easy.

But enough about me. For now.

So, you’re likelier to get divorced once in your life than you are to live happily ever after with your soul mate (if such a thing exists, but I’ll tackle that in a later post). Erm, why? Well, according to the Relationships Australia site the number one propellor in marriage crashes is the unwillingness of couples to work through challenges together. Makes sense, right? But I’m going to play devil’s advocate here (I rarely do, so I’m enjoying this) and suggest that’s a challenge in itself because what if your idea of effort is at odds with your partner’s or what if fear holds you back from resolving issues because you don’t want to show you care (as odd as it sounds)?

Unfortunately, I don’t have the magic formula to a lasting relationship because if that were the case I wouldn’t have had my heart broken. But here’s some key advice from Joe Love (gotta love irony) who wrote the article The Six Most Common Reasons For Relationship Break-Ups And How To Correct Them. Basically, this Love fella says that incompatibility is the most common reasons for break-ups in relationships and he actually suggested something I’m guilty of not doing. He believes the best way to combat incompatibility is “to realise that the word ‘love’ is an action word. This means that you if you want to feel the emotions of love you need to do things for your partner that a loving person would do. You need to start doing small favours, acts of kindness, give gifts, and do things that make the other person happy.” Ah ha! Well, it actually sounds easy but then why aren’t people doing it?

I know I’m guilty of holding back emotions and affection out of fear of it not being reciprocated or wanted. Sure love sucks at times, but it’s best to try with everything you’ve got and considering the experiences you’ll have, it’s hard to say that someone loses if it doesn’t work out.

Seasons Of A Family Tree

The story so far…

It was only four of us that night- myself, Nathan, Jodi and Lauren- each very different from the other yet the only similarity we shared was the fact that we, like the other eight Australians relaxing in the dorm building behind us, were here in America on a student exchange program. I guess being away from familiarity made us bond. Who would have thought that I, miss 22 years-old uni student who still leeches from her parents, could survive away from family for a month in a foreign country, sharing a room, secrets and memories with people I had never met before. It was the best time of my life.

“M-um…”, I said with a nervous half-grin.

Mum was moving between the sink and the stove, doing her routine cooking dance.

“ I’ve found this opportunity of a lifetime”.

“Yeah…” she said with a raised eyebrow as she drained freshly boiled rice. 

“Well”, here goes nothing I thought, “I was walking to class today and I found this poster in Uni that said media students can study in America- Indianapolis to be exact- for a month all expenses paid and you get to work in an actual studio and be a reporter, it’s really a once in a life time opportunity”, I stammered all in a single breath.

“Ha! Yeah right Jerrica, keep dreaming”, she said wiping her tears as she butchered a helpless onion.

I knew she would be hard work

“C’mon mum, after the shitty years we’ve had”, I turned her around, away from her chopping board, looking at her in desperation, trying to fight onion-tears. “I need a break and I’ve always fantasised about being one of those college girls like in the movies. This would be a dream come true-don’t you think I deserve it?”.

I knew I had her with that question. She couldn’t deny the fact that I,  my whole family really, have been through some shitty times.

I guess the word ‘shitty’ is a lenient description of the events that have redefined my family and me. True, these challenges could have been worse. Yet, a challenge can leave a lasting wound and it is its unpredictable nature that stings the soul, no matter the size of the initial cut.

The deepest ‘cut’ began to sting my soul in 1996 when I was twelve. Before then my childhood is a hazy blur and the only memories that are clear is the family trip to America and the three-day cruise to Tasmania.

The Federal Government is PHAT!

This is one of those rare times when a law-abiding, tax-paying citizen praises their government. Yes, kudos to the Federal Government for urging magazines to feature models that weigh more than paper and confess when photographs have been airbrushed under its national fashion industry code of conduct initiative.

Hallelujah! No more feeling guilty sifting through pages that are full of waif-thin models as I gorge on a Fillet O’ Fish meal. With Diet Coke, of course.

Under this plan Youth Minister Kate Ellis aims to extinguish the rising number of eating disorders plaguing children as young as six and have body image as a major priority of the new Office of Youth established by the Government recently. Essentially, advertisers and magazines would be encouraged to feature healthy women that don’t fly away with a slight gust of wind and disclose whether a model’s picture has been digitally enhanced.

“It’s about representing people of all different sizes and all different looks and ensuring people know that it’s OK not to (be skinny),” she said. “We need to have a transparent system where people realise the models in those pictures don’t look like that themselves and disclosing when there’s been altered or enhanced images.”

Of course, it took a woman to encourage this healthy change in the fashion industry, even if it is overdue. And it is overdue when you consider that Madrid banned overly thin models from working at high-end fashion shows about two years ago. In 2006 for example, organisers of a Madrid fashion show turned away 30 percent of women whose BMI was below the healthy range and opted for healthy models that don’t require medics on standby.

But it’s not just women who starve themselves until their ribcage protrudes more than their jaw. Manorexia is on the rise in Australia. Sunrise reported recently that young men are battling the bulge - more like over-conquering it - and that statistics show 30% of young people see body image as a serious issue. Of that, 3% of Australians are diagnosed with an eating disorder and 10% are boys or young men.

It’s comforting that it’s not just females that have image wars with themselves but it is sad in any case.

My adivce to those that want to be thinner, taller, smarter, bigger - you’re beautiful.

CMC = Social Retardation

Computer Mediated Communication (CMC) is a socially-numbing form of interaction. Calling someone has been bitterly replaced by SMS, and MSN, Twitter, Facebook and MySpace have also usurped the need to use your vocal chords. So why is it that we rely on machines to express how we feel? Especially when it is so damn frustrating to decipher what is meant behind a simple SMS.

When we were younger, it seemed like we loved to hear the sound of voices, and we would chatter non-stop as if it were the last time we would speak. When I was in puberty-ridden angst, AKA 15 to 16 years of age (and still hoping for some substantial growth, er… let’s not go there) I would religiously dedicate an hour’s worth of time to indulge in an illicit vice or *hang head in shame* an obsession, if you will. Yes, I was and still am a fan of Dawson’s Creek - I admit it. Anwyway, embarrassing admission aside, come 8:30pm I would flick to channel 10 and start dialing my friend’s phone number and for at least an hour we would comment on the palpable sexual tension between Pacey and Joey and diss Dawson’s irreparable and ghastly-looking hair. Roll the credits and we would still be chatting as if we just started.

This incessant need for vocal communication has become dormant among teens these days. The teens I know text during a TV show or chat via MSN once it’s finished but it’s not the same as vocal commentary - there’s no intonation in letters (the max you can do are caps, italics or bold), sighs, sneezes and coughs are obsolete and you can’t hear the person chuckle at your jokes (or not, heaven forbid). It is these things that make conversing so great. And CMC sucks as much as hoover when you are chatting with someone you have a hankering for.

For example, you don’t speak to each other for days (or at most you get a Facebook comment from them on an embarrassing pic your ‘friend’ purposefully tagged of you) and then you meet on MSN and you ‘speak’ to each other one sentence at a time.

“Hi!”
(wait for reply…. could be a while)
“Oh, hey! How are you”
(take your time answering back to appear as if you’re busy or just really popular chatting to other MSN mates)
“Great =). How was your day”

Argh! Even writing this was excruciating! Not only is MSN a felon of social retardation, but forget calling someone to see how they are/wishing them a happy birthday/sending your condolences/ etc. just send them a text! Yay! But apart from their 25cent-worth effort, it takes more effort for you to decipher what they bloody mean!

Pre-meditated communication usurps the spontaneity that comes with calling or talking face-to-face and don’t get me started on SMS lingo. How hard is it to spell the whole word “l8tr”? It’s just one more letter, people!

Anyway, that’s my rant.

“Gr8 time 2 nyt. Spk l8tr”

NGM vs. ZOO Weekly

So, I had to say my speech a la Speedy Gonzales because of time constraints…and the fact that we were pushing our attention span since we were nearing 9pm. To refresh your memory, I spoke about the National Geographic Magazine and the ZOO Weekly website - you know, the ultra tame and news-credible site?

First, let’s look at the National Geographic Magazine site that was the 2008 Webby award winner for Online Magazine of the year. Not only did it nab this prestigious title, but it also scored the People’s Voice Winner. So, why is it so damn good?

Well, let’s look at it’s design first.

• It links to the National Geographic site. So, it’s easy for the user to toggle between the online magazine and the actual National Geographic site – very effective in unifying the National Geographic brand across both mediums

• The main story features in the mag are also the main features on the homepage, so there’s symmetry of information between the two mediums

• No advertisements are on the site and Elmo did point out that the reason for this is because the site is a blatant advertisement for the magazine. But, considering it won a Webby award, surely it would garner some potential advertising dollars…? Maybe in a few months there might be some ads, probably they’ll be similar to those on the National Geographic site

• There’s a large gif. image above the fold that is the main attraction of the site, and feature stories are rotated on this gif. Image – easy for the user to navigate to the most important stories/part of the site

• Clean white background makes it very easy on the eye and is an effective contrast to the image-heavy homepage

• Site content is divided into three columns, which according to Jakob Nielsen, is a key to good website design because contents can be easily digeste

• The site is interactive with its quizzes/puzzles and by encouraging users to submit photos and rate them. Users can also download wallpapers and games and purchase photos. This interactive element is beneficial in sustaining user engagement with the site and the downloadable wallpapers strengthen user loyalty with the National Geographic brand.

• The story features aren’t text heavy and the tone of the articles makes them enjoyable to read, although the story topics may not be that interesting (but that’s just my opinion, remember!). Also, there are links to other content on the site on the right-hand side of the feature articles that makes site/content navigation easy

• There’s a healthy balance between text and pics on the site, which is effective because it doesn’t bombard the user with a plethora of words or pics. Again, I think the white background enhances this balance

• All in all, the site is very user friendly in that it’s simple to use, it’s consistent with the National Geographic brand and invites users to become part of the site with its interactivity.

Let’s see whether Nielsen’s web savvy advice had any bearing on this Webby-award winning online magazine.

Let’s take a gander at Jakob Nielsen’s Top Ten Mistakes of Web Design:

Note, I have only chosen a few points from Nielsen. Check out his site for all of them…if you’re that keen. Which, I’m sure you are.

1. Bad Search

“Simple search usually works best, and search should be presented as a simple box, since that’s what users are looking for.”

National Geogrpahic Magazine (NGM) does this perfectly – it has a simple box and refined search results.


3. Not Changing the Color of Visited Links

“Links are a key factor in this navigation process. Users can exclude links that proved fruitless in their earlier visits. Conversely, they might revisit links they found helpful in the past.”

Bow bowwww - doesn’t change links to visited sites, and it would be handy considering all the archived stories it has.

7. Anything That Looks Like an Advertisement

“Selective attention is very powerful, and Web users have learned to stop paying attention to any ads that get in the way of their goal-driven navigation”

No sign of an advertisement here – content is for the most part magazine-centric.

8. Violating Design Conventions
“The more users’ expectations prove right, the more they will feel in control of the system and the more they will like it”

The site is consistent; therefore users feel in control of the site.


Example of National Geographic magazine content - NGM blogs

• blogs relate to NGM mission statement.

• Specific to target audienc

• Purpose of post is evident thoroughout the article.

NGM Stats:
* 13M unique visitors/month
* 130M page views/month
* 63% Age 25-54
* 56% Coll Grad+
* 43% HHI $75+
* 92% Broadband Access


Check out last year’s 2007 Magazine Webby winner, which is about multimedia storytelling and see if you can find similarities in design between the two sites.

Now let’s compare this Webby-award winning online magazine to ZOO Weekly website that won the Best Use of Digital Media in the 2008 Magazine of the Year awards.

Firstly, this rod-raising site (apologies, my ‘bloke voice’ is pure reflex at times) has:

• 11.3 million page impressio

• 400K unique

• Its main driver of traffic is its Community section, that included users uploading pics, vids, blogs on their profiles

• And is the number one men’s lifestyle website in Australia.

So, as you can see, ZOO Weekly website has an impressive following in down under.

Firstly, let’s look at the site’s design… brace yourself.

• The site is picture-dense but laid out in three columns, similar to NGM

• The main colours of the site – red, black and grey, aren’t the best on the eyes and the plethora of flash advertising doesn’t help.

• Content is not organised - I think everything is everywhere and there isn’t a easily digestible flow of information. BUT, in saying this, we did ask ZOO users whether they thought the format of the site should change to become simpler and the majority said to leave as is. Go figure.

• Like NGM, the site refers to ZOO Weekly magazine by using pictures from the man feature (usually a girl shoot) and by having the latest cover of ZOO on the homepage.

• Also, the magazine relies heavily on its web counterpart to run competitions, source potential models and to post videos that relate to stories in the magazine. Thus, there is a unification of the ZOO brand between the two mediums.

• The site relies heavily on user generated content and invites users to chat amongst themselves which sustains site engagement and loyalty

Now compare ZOO with Nielsen’s advice Nielsen’s Top Ten Mistakes of Web Design and you’ll see that ZOO goes against pretty much everything this web guru advises. But why then did it win? I’ll tell you why. According to the criteria, The Best Use of Digital media “recognises excellence in digital executions of the magazine brand including websites and mobile applications”

And it has done just this by having a strong relationship, content-wise, to it’s print version and by offering mobile services on the site. For example, people can buy pics from the site and get it sent to their mobile. Oh, inocuous pics, of course. And like I’ve mentioned, the traffic figures speak for themselves.

So, it seems that whether you follow proper web-design conventions or not, your site still has a chance to prosper. But er, having a popular brand behind the site doens’t hurt either.

" We Are Abled By Our Abilities Not Disabled By Our Disabilities." - Anon.

Did you know that Australia is competing for gold in swimming, basketball, cycling and more? Did you know that we’ve scored 17 gold, 24 silver and 21 bronze medals so far? Yes, I know the 2008 Beijing Olympics have expired but the 2008 Beijing Paralympics are underway and I bet some of you weren’t even aware of it. Worse still, many Australians aren’t aware that Paralympians have scored more than double the gold medals for Australia compared to the 6 in the Olympics.

This ignorance makes my stomach churn with guilt.

Why the hell aren’t paralympians given the media coverage and public accolade they deserve? Why the hell is there 24-hour TV, print and online coverage of the Olympics but close to nothing of the Paralympics? If anything, paralympians should be accredited with greater recognition considering some are swimming with one arm, playing basketball in wheelchairs, or sprinting with a prosthetic leg.

The more I compare the support given to the Australian Olympic Team to that of Paralympic team makes my blood boil to the point where I just punched the air followed by a bitter grunt.

During the Olympics, SMH online had a micro-site dedicated to the Olympic team, documenting every triumph and defeat. Er, where’s a micro-site for the Paralympians? Why is it that the paralympic aren’t mention on the Official site of the 2008 Olympic team? Why is it that there are 17 sponsors of the Paralympics and at least 40 sponsors for the Olympic team (from what is shown in their sites)?

What is even more ridiculous is that previous years, Paralympians had to pay for their own airfares and frankly, not much has changed considering that “Australia’s top musical theatre stars - such as Ana Marina, Tamsin Carroll, Rhonda Burchmore, Amanda Muggleton, Peter Cousens, John Paul Young - held a special concert to help raise $150,000 to pay the airfares of the Paralympics Team for the 2008 Beijing Paralympics. Meanwhile it’s been rumoured that taxpayers funded Olympic atheletes’ training, accommodation and flights. Oh, and that some travelled first class back home.

This is bloody disgusting and the ironic thing is that yesterday thousands of cheering people honoured the Aussie Olympic team as they paraded down Sydney’s bustling George Street to the tunes of Australian songs such as Land Down Under and I Am, You Are, We Are Australian. What a load of shit!

I’ve been scoping news.com and SMH online and the only coverage, if any, they offer is a minor heading under Sport which is hidden below the fold. Luckily, the ABC recognises the efforts of our Paralympians with its micro-site. But I wonder if it gets page impressions? Perhaps it does but the numbers are nowhere near as many as the official site of the Australian Olympic team.

With genuine sentiment, awe and pride, let me just say this -

To all the past, present and future Paralympians : You. Kick. Arse.

Scent Of You

For the past two days my nostrils have detected a scent that reminds me of someone. It’s frustrating, not because the scent is worse than horse shit - on the contrary, really - but because I think of this person without preparation. Without my permission, a picture of their face pops up in my mind and unexpectedly disappears. It’s sort of like detecting someone’s fart - you’re exposed to that scent whether you like it or not and in about 3 seconds (if you’re lucky) the scent is gone. Well, the ephemeral scent of the fart is like the image/emotions that are conjured up then rapidly stream out of my mind.

Apparently scent can barge open the memory gates, influence people’s moods and affect your performance at work. So, why do our nostrils hold such emotional-wielding power? Well, the olfactory bulb (that’s the sensor for our schnoz) is part of the brain’s limbic system that’s related to memory and feeling. So, it makes as much sense as black at a funeral that smell can release a gush of memories and feelings without a mere warning.

Pretty fascinating stuff, eh? But this got me thinking about the type of memories/emotions my scent enlivens. When someone smells ‘me’ (whatever that may be and hopefully it isn’t horse shit) I wonder if they smile, cringe, sigh…and I wonder what memories flash in their minds. I know that with this particular scent that’s been raping my nostrils for the past few days, I’ve smiled and actually wanted to smell more.

Luckily, the majority of emotions/memories that particular smells invoke are positive and the smells in question are usually cologne or perfume. It’s because of this reason that I have a substantial stash of perfumed alcohol, each bottle being incredibly overpriced but easy on the eye and nose. I think men underestimate the potential aphrodisiac power of their scent - if it’s good, of course.

Regardless of sex, here’s a ‘how to’ on how to wear perfume…properly (yes, there’s a proper way…who knew?)

• Apply perfume to the pulse points of the wrists and throa
• Restrain from spraying more perfume periodically throughout the day
• Spray some cologne on the nape of the neck and shoulder for intimate moments. A woman’s partner will be pleasantly surprised by a hint of perfume along the collar bone or on the lower back.
• Add just a hint of another fragrance to a different area of the body, such as the back or lower legs
  

Ecstasy Without Alcohol

Perusing the online news sites, my gaze stumbled upon this article that claims “Young Queenslanders would be safer if they swore off binge drinking and instead consumed a small amount of ecstasy”.

Before you shake your head in disdain or assent there’s medical research to support this outlandish claim.

A prominent researcher at Queensland’s Alcohol and Drug Research Centre (QADREC) suggests that ecstasy was actually a “lesser evil” than binge drinking and that more QLD youngens are opting for ecstasy instead of alcohol in the wake of the Rudd Government’s 70 per cent tax hike on alcopops. Pretty sure this isn’t the reaction Rudd expected, but it’s no surprise that we Aussies like to part-y.

Of course this claim has been refuted by others in the medical field who cite Anna Wood’s ecstasy-related death in 1995.

Look, I don’t condone taking illicit drugs but I believe alcohol does greater damage because it is a legal substance and readily available. Plus, the reason why ecstasy is ‘socially unacceptable’ is because it’s illegal, not so much because of it’s consequences.

Think about it - there are more deaths, accidents and violence related to alcohol rather than ecstasy and this number will grow especially when you consider Australian 15-year-olds are binge drinking three times more than their American peers.

I confess that I’m not one to talk since I like getting ‘merry’ with fellow ‘merry’ friends but I like to think that my happiness doesn’t depend on alcohol. Sure, alcohol is a convenient social lubricant, and I’ve used this to my advantage but the adage rings true that a drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. And I’ve got many drunk debaucheries to tell but I’m not drunk enough to reveal them…yet.

Ultimate Pet Peeves

Dictionary.com defines a pet peeve as a “a particular and often continual annoyance; personal bugbear”. And I define a pet peeve as something that makes me either: cringe, bite my tongue, or tacitly swear like I have tourettes. And if it’s a juicy pet peeve, it will achieve all three reactions. Score!

But, I consider myself quite tolerant and patient and it will take either constant exposure to a pet peeve or a plethora of pet peeves to get me fuming. Overtly, that is. Usually, when something annoys me I bite my tongue before unleashing it furiously but there are times when I can’t help but turn all Sybil-like

It’s fair to assume that there are common annoyances that people share, like:

• Seeing/hearing someone chew with their mouths open as if they were auditioning for a role as Mr. Ed.
• People talking or playing with their mobile during a film - what a waste of $17… for you, I mean.
• Hailing a cab only for someone to stealthy zoom past and plant their sneaky arse on the passenger seat before you
• Reaching for the toilet paper only to find that there’s none or that the only square left just won’t do the job
• People that don’t say thank you when you hold open a door for them like it was your duty to hold it open.
• people that are loud talkers, especially on a train - really, we don’t need to know whether you got some mind-blowing bed action the night before and if you do want the world to know, at least offer some entertaining details.

These are valid pet peeves and some might appear on your list. But for me, my pet peeve list goes something like this:

• Drivers not thanking me when I let them in or drivers purposely blocking me from their lane. The road is there to SHARE people and if you can spare a free hand to stick your finger up at me surely you can spare a hand for a thank-you wave.

• People that look down on me because:

1. I live at home with my parents - “Oh”, they say with thinly-veiled disapproval, “you’re still at home with mum and dad”…Er, yes I’m in my mid-20’s and have parents for roomies. Why not? If it means I save money on rent and I can vent frustration and share happiness with people that love me unconditionally, it’s a great arrangement. For me, anyway.
2. I live in the west. Yes people, I’ll admit it - I’m a Westie, through and through. And not a month goes by that I don’t hear this stale joke: “You live that far away from the city? You probably need a passport to travel between here and there, eh?” <insert my fake laughter here>.
   

• And the cream of my pet-peeve crop is when people don’t say what they mean. Circumlocution is as annoying as playing Thumb Wars with someone that lacks a damn thumb. It doesn’t get you anywhere. Look, sometimes I’m guilty of indirectly saying what I mean or feel but it irks me when you just want to be straight with someone - not play verbal games - and they’re not willing to return the favour. It’s so freakin’’ frustrating and causes unnecessary drama.

So, there’s your insight into my… wait, my CD skipped and I just realised that’s another pet peeve of mine - it really wrecks my train of thought/mood….

Er, where was I?